"I'm an Elite Chicken Farmer."

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,"What's your occupation?"

"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"Nope, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming
have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

"Chicken Farmer it is."

Phenominal Woman

I was reading some of my favorite poetry and wanted to post one with I really love and find such an inspiration everytime I read it. I think any woman who reads this poem has to feel beautiful, important and with a great sense of selfworth.

Phenominal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my
secret lies.
I'm not cute or build to suit a fashion
model's size
but when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
just as cool as you please,
and to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waits,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
Tha's me.

Men themselves have wondered,
What they see in me.
The try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
The say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breast,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal Woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal Woman,
That's me.
by:Maya Angelou

The Pastor's Ass

Something else quite funny that will get your morning going with a smile, and has an added moral to the story, please read on and enjoy.


The pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.


The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.


The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S
ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.


The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery ... even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!