Why Men can pee standing up!!

God was just about done creating humans,
but he had two parts left over. He couldn't
decide how to split them between Adam and Eve
so He thought He might just as well ask them.
He told them one of the things He had left was a
thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing
up.
"It's a very handy thing," God told them,"and I was wondering
if either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh please give that
to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the
sort of a thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease!! Give it
to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so
badly,that he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that
allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he started whizzing all over the place,
first on the side of a rock, then wrote his name in the sand, and
then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away,
laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve,
"Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."
"Whats it called ?" asked Eve.
"Brains!" said God.

The Answering Service at the Mental Institute

Some funny to keep you smiling, while you sip on that cup of coffee

Answering Service At The Mental Institute....have fun!


"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

What I want for Valentine's Day

What do I want for Valentine’s Day? Well flowers are nice but, eventually they die. Chocolates specially dark one,mmmmm, oh so yummy but then again they won’t last long …One thing I know that will last a long time are those sexy lingerie, specially if they are send by my cusmomers, love to open those boxes and see how well they now this lady's taste.

Call Me Panty

I was surfing the net and came across this website, I have to say made me laugh, can't imagine that I would care to carry my cell phone in my panties vibrate or not, hahaha..but hey, there is a market for everything out there, specially during this season. I wonder how many guys would give this to their special lady or how many ladies would like to receive this as a gift.
http://callmepanty.com/

Opinion Polls & Market Research

9 Days to Go!

Is madness time, yes that is what I call this time of the year. Every year I dislike it even more, the rushing around, malls pack, parking lots a sea of cars and make sure you remember where you parked, and pray that the weather is not bad. I can surely say by the time Christmas eve comes around I am dead beat.
I really wish the holidays were more about family, friends and less about about the commercial side of it.
As you might have guessed no, I am no way near done with my shopping starting tomorrow I too,will join the madness. Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and wonderful New Year!

Sweet Breath? Maybe Not.

I am guessing that simple mints and mouth wash is not helping this gentleman, perhaps something stronger or not opening his mouth.
A Manhattan doorman has been suspended for having bad breath. Jonah Seeman, who has been ushering tenants into a four-building complex on East 89th Street for 40 years, was told not to come to work Friday because of halitosis. you can read the rest of the story here...
http://www.9news.com/news/watercooler/article.aspx?storyid=82390

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Holiday Pin-Up Parade!

Tis the Season for beautiful naughty gifts ...gifts to spice up your life and that special someone as well. I just received my Frederick's of Hollywood catalog, yum, yum I can't decide what to add to my Christmas list, I want it all!!! Nothing makes me feel sexier then decadent lingerie. Gentlemen if you don't know what to get for your special lady, take a look... there is something special for that sexy vixen, the bewitching beauties, or those sassy sex kittens. Happy Shopping!!!!!

Holiday Sale 25% off at Frederick's

Crazy Sex Laws

In Bakersfield, California, anyone having intercourse with Satan must
use a condom. (An asbestos one we presume.)

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while
hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse
with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic,
onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his
wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed
to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you --
or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between
members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown
--if they're nude.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to
have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet
apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal
to make love on the floor between the beds!

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to
provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple,
even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may
they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white
cotton nightshirts.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from
having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called
master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with
the lights on.

In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets
because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body
of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded
American male."

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police
officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any
suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up
from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two
minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a
table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two
ounces of clothing. (Ouch! These pasties hurt!)

Anywhere in the U. S., it's illegal to use any live endangered
species, excepting insects, in public or private sexual displays,
shows or exhibits depicting cross-species sex. (Insectophiles
apparently were successful in their lobbying efforts.)

Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their
lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while
they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a
parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car
or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio
- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within
the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be
charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in
the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada Legislature to conduct
official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in
session